Quantcast
Channel: Write On Mamas » hospital
Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 2

Not Cheating Death By Steven Friedman

0
0

We cannot escape death. But should one family have to endure multiples death in less than six months? There is a couple at the retirement community where I work who lost two daughters earlier this year. Both were in their 50s, sick, but their deaths weighed heavy on the couple, their remaining child, whom I’ve known for nearly 25 years, and their extended family. Now the husband, the father whose daughters died in the spring, is on life support at a local hospital. The odds are 50-50 at best that he will survive the week.

Two weeks ago, I saw this quiet 92-year old man, who usually wears a blue New York Yankees cap, on his daily walk in the neighborhood. Wearing blue jeans and comfortable and tan walking shoes, he moved with purpose, months removed from when the sadness just hung on his face as he shared the pain over losing two daughters within three months.

The elder couple met more than 60 years ago in Alabama, where he was stationed in the Army and she ran the Officer’s Club. He was an unaffiliated New York Jew and she was a true Southern Belle, a member of the elite culture and community. She eventually abandoned her Episcopal roots and embraced Judaism. She even became a Jewish educator.

Now, with her husband literally clinging to life with tubes snaking through his arms and nose, the wife cries, “I’m just not ready to let him go yet.”

“Well, let’s just not go there,” I say.

“But by saying it,” she responds, “and talking it through, I get it all out.” She cries again.

I remember the words of advice that Jennifer Greene, a young cancer patient and relative of my cousin (on the side of our family to which I am not related) and say, “I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you.”

“But you lost your wife,” she says.

"Yes," I say, "but it is different. You already lost two daughters", I add.

I tell her that I wish I understood the universe. But I don’t. Then we both say that life isn’t fair. A cliché, but something both of us have experienced. If life were fair, she’d have all three daughters to help her handle this crisis. If life were fair, Verna would be still be alive to see Maya take ballet and play soccer and watch as Miguel grows into young adulthood.

“The bedspread is wrinkled from where he got up,” she says, hunched over, tears leaking from her eyes. “And I don’t want to anyone to touch it. It’s comforting to see the impression his body left on the bed.” Even after 57 years of marriage she is not even sure that statement makes sense. “We are all going to die,” she concludes. But she hopes this is not yet her husband’s time. We cannot escape death. We can only continue living. But how to handle life when it gets so hard?

© 2012 Steven Friedman

The post Not Cheating Death By Steven Friedman appeared first on Write On Mamas.


Viewing all articles
Browse latest Browse all 2

Latest Images

Trending Articles





Latest Images